Hi, everybody. I am the Lord your God, Creator of the universe and all that is within it. So listen up.
A Chat with the President
“Jesus Christ, Mr. President. I guarantee, if you legalize all illegal drugs, the war on drugs will dissolve like a puff of smoke.” He snaps his fingers in the air.
“Oh, I don’t know, Deus –”
“Just call me God. Everybody does.”
“Okay. God. – they’ll say I’m soft on drugs.”
“Throw them a carrot. Reduce their taxes. Even those that have a hidden agenda and want the drug war to go on will look on it more kindly. Actually, I know for a fact that the majority of the people already think this is a good idea. At least the bright ones do. They’re just afraid to say so. Just like you. Come on, Mr. President, get some guts.”
The president hung his head and sighed. “I know, God. But I really want to be re-elected next year.”
“Didn’t you learn anything from Prohibition? The 18th Amendment was repealed during FDR’s first term, and he was re-elected three times.”
The President looked away and smiled. “That’s right.”
God smiled also, but his was a devilish one. “I’ve got another idea.”
“Uh oh.” The president looked back at God apprehensively.
“Release all prisoners who are in for drug-related offenses.”
“Oh, Lord.” The president put his head in his hands. “They’ll say I’m soft on crime.”
“Okay, another carrot. Give everyone prescription drugs at a nominal cost. You’ll be saving billions by not waging a war on drugs. Spread the wealth.”
The president bit his lower lip and looked thoughtful. “I like that, God. Maybe we could even give everyone health insurance at an affordable rate.” He grinned. “Really affordable.”
“Now you’ve got the idea.”
The president laughed softly and clapped his hands. “And make the insurance companies absorb some of the cost. They’re making obscene profits. That would really stick it to the God damn – sorry, God – bastards.”
“All right. High five.”
They laughed and slapped hands.
“And while we’re at it, we could tax all income over ten million at ninety percent. Including the sequestered off shore funds. Goodbye deficit.”
God frowned. “Don’t get carried away, Mr. President.”
The end, for now.
Thanks for coming. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Pro, con, and everything in between. And tell me your name. It doesn’t even have to be real; I just want to know what to call you. Don’t worry; I don’t want your phone number or bank account number.